BOOROMIR
by Coneflower Adams
Summary: Who is this feathered fellow from Gondor who is amoung the Fellowship? Could he be a chicken?
1. Default Chapter

BOOROMIR  
  
writer note: Anyone who's watched Animaniacs should enjoy this fic. Anyone who hasn't seen the show should enjoy it too! For those who don't know, Chicken Boo ((aka Booromir in this fic)) is a giant cartoon chicken. I loved his cartoons! Hope you like!  
  
***  
  
The Fellowship of the Ring stood before the counsel of Elrond. "Here stand the nine who form the  
  
Fellowship of the Ring" Elrond announced, dramatically.   
  
"Lord Elrond, may I say something," interrupted Aragorn. Elrond cringed, how could someone interrupted his best line???!!!   
  
"What is it, Estel?"   
  
"There are only eight of us here. We're missing number nine! I fear evil is aloof." Aragorn brandished his sword ready to attack nothing.   
  
"Oh blast" Elrond cursed under his breath. "Where is Booromir?"   
  
"And stay out, you lousy, feathered Gondorian!" everyone heard a shout from a nearby hall. Arwen ran out kicking a tall feathery man with dangling brown hair.   
  
"What did this man try to do to you, my little elfcake" Aragorn said, holding up his sword to the stranger and pushing Arwen behind him. No one really knew why he was trying to protect her when it was obvious she was kicking the tar out of the stranger.  
  
"He was clucking at me!" Arwen accused.   
  
"Bwak?" the stranger said innocently in his native tongue, which translated: "Who, me?"  
  
Apparently, Aragorn could understand "Bwakish" and went to attack the stranger.   
  
Elrond smacked his forehead, and hurried to stop him. "You idiot, almost-son-in-law! This is the ninth member of the fellowship. Booromir, son of Featherdor of Gondor!"  
  
"Oh, sorry" Aragorn said, putting his sword back.  
  
Meanwhile, Pippin had been curiously circling Booromir. He stared at the long feathers protruding out of Booromir's *ahem* back end. Pippin's eyes grew as wide as saucers and he blurted out, pointing to Booromir, "HE'S A GIANT CHICKEN!!!"   
  
"Bwak, bwak, be gock!" Booromir clucked out. ((Translation: I am not a chicken! I am a valiant Steward of Gondor!))  
  
"Master Peregrin, stop calling Booromir a chicken" Elrond replied, regally. "Now get out of here before the next age begins!" He pushed all them out of the courtyard locked the gate.   
  
***  
  
"I don't like the looks of that new fellow Booromir, Mr. Frodo" Sam whispered to Frodo as they walked along.   
  
"Why not, Sam?"   
  
"Every once and a while, I catch him pecking the ground. He stares at you queerly with those giant, narrow eyes. He also makes me hungry for a good piece of barbecued chicken."  
  
Pippin came up behind them. "That's because he is a chicken! Giant one, I may add."  
  
"Will you stop it with those crazy accusations" Merry told him.   
  
"I say the moment we run low on food," Pippin continued, ignoring Merry and eyeing Booromir hungrily. "He'll be the first to be eaten."   
  
Frodo broke in now. "Pippin, you sound mad! We will not eat anyone. I think you're appetite is getting the best of you."  
  
"Whatever you say, but I'll keep my eating utensils close in hand" Pippin replied.  
  
"Too late for that, Pip." Merry raised Pippin's right hand to reveal a spork taped to his hand.   
  
The valiant Company traveled up the mountain of Caradhas. It was very tiring so they stopped to rest. As they rested the hobbits played a game of 'roll down the hill'! On the last game, Frodo and Pippin were racing down the hill. Everyone was cheering. Frodo won. When he got up, he noticed something was gone!  
  
"Where's my pretty little evil token of joy???!!!"  
  
"There it is!" Sam exclaimed, pointing wildly.   
  
No one had really noticed Booromir as the games were being played. He'd walked down the hill pecking the snow. Aragorn gasped. "Beware of yellow snow!" But, it was too late. Booromir had pecked the yellow snow, but something was dangling in his beak when he looked up. It was The Ring!   
  
"Bwak Bwak Be-bwak. Be-gwak" Booromir clucked in a strange tone. ((Translation: Such a small wondrous thing. I think I'll eat it.)) With that, he swallowed The Ring.   
  
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Typical chicken."  
  
"You idiot!" Aragorn made a mad dash towards Booromir and tackled him. He started choking him. "Up chuck that Ring or I'll slice you into chicken fingers!" When Booromir wouldn't do it, Aragorn pulled out his sword.  
  
"Wait!" Frodo shouted. "Cutting him open isn't going to help matters." Booromir nodded in agreement.   
  
Gandalf stepped in. "We could either cut him open or wait for it to naturally come out. Let the Ringbearer decide."  
  
Frodo looked at Booromir who was watching him innocently with those big, chicken eyes. "We'll have to wait for it to naturally come out."  
  
Everyone groaned. They knew what that meant. Twenty minutes later, a fairly large pile of you-know-what lay in the snow. Aragorn stood. "Who will volunteer to search it?" 


	2. 2

In Moria…  
  
"These rocks are very uncomfortable" Sam said trying to lie on a boulder.   
  
Aragorn pluck a tail feather from Booromir. "Here Sam."  
  
Sam took the tail feather. "Thanks, sir. This feather is as big as I am!"  
  
Booromir glared and rubbed his backend. "Be-gawk" he remarked. ((Translation: No respect for other folk's plumage.)) Two seconds later, he forgot about the incident. Booromir started his pecking again. He pecked a rock that fell over a cliff making a terribly loud echoing noise.   
  
"Fool of a Boo!" Gandalf yelled. He was about to turn Booromir into something unnatural, but remembered he was already a chicken so just left him alone. "Everybody follow me though I do not know where we are going and I'm probably leading you into certain death, but follow because I am a wizard!" Everybody agreed and followed Gandalf.   
  
They were almost to the Bridge of Kazard-dum when a giant fiery Balrog jumped out of the wall! "MmMmMmMm…Kentucky Fried Chicken" he said, drooling on Booromir. He blew some fire, scorching Booromir.   
  
"Be-gawk!!!" Booromir cried, running round like…what else? Chicken with its head cut off. Hehe, couldn't resist. All his feathers were senged off.  
  
Everyone got across the Bridge including Booromir who miraculously learned how to fly without feathers.   
  
"I'll take care of this overgrown bonfire!" Gandalf shouted. "You shall not pass! Because I am a keeper of fire. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" The Balrog stepped onto the Bridge, not amused. Just then it cracks from his weight.   
  
"D'OH!" the Balrog said, making his forehead.  
  
"You fool of a balrog! Don't you know there's only a three hundred pound weight limit on this Bridge" Gandalf says before they fall into the shadows.   
  
The Company just stands there watching while Booromir is trying to put out the fire on his tail feathers.   
  
"That was amusing" Aragorn said. "We better get out of here!"   
  
In Lothlorien…  
  
The Company stands in front of Galadriel. "Just to warn all of you. I can read your minds. Cool gift, huh? HAHA!! So watch what you think about." Galadriel turned to Booromir, and talks to him through his mind. "I know you have a secret desire to be a Human Man, Booromir."  
  
This revelation did not affect Booromir. "Bwak gwak?" he clucked in his pea-sized mind. ((Translation: She has a shiny thing on her head. I wonder if I can peck it?))  
  
"Touch me and I'll cook you in my fryer."  
  
On the Anduan River…  
  
"We had these boats just lying around" Celeborn said to the Company. "Why don't you take them."  
  
"Okay" the Company agreed.   
  
"Come along, Booromir!" Pippin shouted. "Ride with me!" He tried to conceal Galadrial's fryer under his elven clock. He licked his lips. Oh yeah, chicken would be on the menu tonight!   
  
  
  
They travel down the river for days, but Pippin was unsuccessful with making Booromir a meal. He forgot they needed someone to paddle the boat. They stopped right before going over a waterfall. The company camps out while Frodo goes off on his own. Booromir wanders off behind him pecking the ground occasionally.   
  
"Bwak be-gwak" Booromir said to Frodo. ((Translation: Can I have that shiny thing you're wearing?))  
  
"No. You're lucky I don't eat chicken."  
  
"Be-gwak! Be-gwak!" ((Translation: Give it to me!)) Booromir lungs at Frodo, but he puts on the ring and trips Booromir. "Bwak bwak!" ((Translation: Oh look, a worm.)) Booromir proceeds to eat the worm.  
  
Just then, this Uruk-hai farmer shows up. He yells in a hick accent, "Shhhh-doggie! Look at the size of that chicken!" Shoots Booromir in the backend with an arrow. Booromir jumps and runs around in a circle squawking.   
  
"NooOoOo! He's my dinner!" Pippin attacks the Uruk-hai.   
  
Meanwhile, Frodo is about to leave in a boat. Dramatic music swells around him as he holds up the ring where anyone can convientally take it. "I must go to Mordor alone!" Before he can climb in a boat, Booromir comes running up with an arrow sticking out his backend and his brown wig off. He knocks Frodo out of the way, and somehow swallows the ring while he jumps into a boat. A minute later the boat goes over the waterfall.  
  
"BE-GWAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!"  
  
Booromir never hits the bottom. Instead, the eagle Gwahir catches him! "Ignorant Boo. You know you can never be a human guy. I'll bring you to your rightful place."  
  
Booromir aka Chicken Boo lived happily ever after at Radagast the Brown's Petting Zoo.   
  
"Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man, you're a chicken Boo!"  
  
THE END!!! What'dja think? This was a story about destroying the ring? The ring was never seen again after Boo swallowed it, and everybody else lived happily ever after too. Happy now? THE END! 


End file.
